TNA iMPACT Results – January 27th
We open with a recap of last week’s ongoing situation between Kurt Angle and Jeff & Karen Jarrett, culminating with Immortal beating Kurt down and then Abyss coming out of the entranceway and collapsing with Janice buried in his back, and then Crimson coming out to warn Immortal that they’re coming.
We head to the Impact Zone as Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring to address the crowd, telling us that he came out here to speak with the Jarretts in peace and put their heat behind them. Instead, the Jarretts decided to dig at Kurt’s wounds and make it personal even though he didn’t want to go down that road. Angle said he’d retire if he lost at Bound For Glory and he hasn’t wrestled since, but Jeff Jarrett’s forcing his hand and making him do what a man has to do. Angle is the best in the world and when he comes to a crossroads, he looks to the fans because they’re the best in the world, and he wants to know how many of them want to see Kurt Angle in the ring one more time to beat the living (beep) out of Jeff Jarrett? Okay, we knew this was coming: Eric Bischoff comes out with his gang and says he’s tired of listening to Angle trying to con the people into getting him back on the roster. Bischoff says he’s retired and tells him to raise horses or play golf or something because his wrestling days are over, but if he wants an ass kicking, then he came to the right place. Bischoff sends Immortal down to the ring and they beat Angle down in the ring by virtue of their overwhelming numbers as Flair, Bischoff, and the Jarretts watch from the top of the ramp. Suddenly, Crimson runs in and clears out the ring with a baseball bat, and Flair says he doesn’t care what his story is because next week, they’re going to stick They up their own asses. He tells Angle that if he wants to wrestle again, Flair’s lifted the ban and he’s got Jeff Jarrett tonight. The Jarretts freak out on Flair, but Flair tells them to relax because Angle and his dumbass partner have Jarrett, and Beer Money, and Kazarian, and Gunner & Muffin (whose names Flair doesn’t seem to know), and Rob Terry.
After commercial, we go to Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair in the office where Bischoff is chewing Flair out for letting Angle back in after how hard they worked to manipulate Angle into putting himself in retirement. Flair says that he’s not drinking the Kool Aid and promises that Angle’s going down tonight.
Tonight: Dixie Carter will address the fans and Ken Anderson will face Matt Hardy!
Now let’s head to the ring for our opening match…
Elimination Match: Sarita, Madison Rayne & Tara vs Mickie James, Angelina Love & Velvet Sky
Winter grabs Angelina on her way to the ring to try and keep her from going out there without her, and Angelina finally lays down the law and says that Velvet is her BFF and Winter will have to deal with it. The Beautiful People leave and Winter throws a fit and starts banging on the walls and screaming. The match starts out as a pier six brawl with all the girls fighting it out in the ring. Mickie and Madison go to the floor, as do Velvet and Sarata, and they leave Tara alone in the ring with Angelina as the legal participants. Tara’s still selling the elbow so Angelina twists the arm with a wristlock but Tara kicks Angelina and tags out to Madison. Angelina goes through her as well and tags to Mickie, but Madison runs and tags Sarita in and the two of them do a chain wrestling sequence until Mickie tags out to Velvet, and Velvet now beats Sarita up, sweeping the legs and then hitting a diving dropkick, but Sarita counters a flying headscissors into a backbreaker. Velvet gets a straitjacket drop and goes for the cover, but Madison comes in and nails Velvet and holds her so Madison can nail Velvet with the loaded glove but Velvet moves and Madison nearly nails Sarita but stops at the last second. Velvet sends Madison to the floor but Sarita gets a rollup to eliminate Velvet and then all hell breaks loose in the ring and Mickie somehow knocks Madison out with her own glove to eliminate her, and then Sarita immediately cradles Mickie and eliminates her as well. So now we’re down to a 2-on-1 with Angelina by herself against both Sarita and Tara as we go to commercial.
We come back and Angelina nails Sarita with a leg lariat for 2 as we take a moment for an instant replay to see that Madison knocked herself out by falling on her own glove right before she got eliminated. Speaking of head trauma, we continue our break in the action to look backstage at Velvet Sky writhing around on the floor holding her head. Now why would she be doing that? Angelina continues to hold her own against both heels until Tara nails Angelina with her elbow brace and Sarita covers for 2. Tara and Sarita now tag in and out on Angelina and continue to work her over with Tara continuing to sell her elbow on every single move she performs on Angelina. Angelina suddenly hit the Botox Injection out of nowhere on Tara to eliminate her and then Sarita comes right in with an O’Connor Roll and then Angelina reverses to one of her own for the come from behind victory.
Winner: Angelina Love
We go backstage to Kurt Angle, who’s talking to somebody on the phone and saying they need to speed up the process and he needs them here. Who was Kurt talking to? Maybe we’ll find out…after this commercial!
Matt Hardy’s backstage talking about how Ken Anderson got lucky and he thinks that saying his name twice is stupid, and his purpose tonight is to make sure that Anderson doesn’t even make it to next Thursday and he’s going to do it for his brother thanks to the cold blood flowing through his icy veins.
Frankie Kazarian joins us on commentary for our next match…
X-Division #1 Contender’s Tournament: Amazing Red vs Max Buck vs Chris Sabin
Seems like this is the first of three qualifying matches for a final three way to determine the #1 contender to the X Division Title, and each man gives prematch comments talking about how they’re going to win this match and then become X Division Champion. Chris Sabin clears the ring and then Red comes in and do a fast paced exchange ending in the indy stalemate. Max comes in and tosses Sabin and then he goes after Red and works him over in the corner, but misses a charge and Red clears him out with a flying headscissors and then goes for a dive, but Sabin cuts him off with a clothesline for 2 and then springs out of the corner and hits a dive on Max on the floor. Sabin springboard into the ring and gets a thumb in the eye from Max, who then tosses Red and rolls Sabin up for 2. Buck with a cartwheel dropkick for 2 and then gets a chinlock as we see Jeremy choking Red on the floor with his boot. Red breaks free and comes in with a double missile dropkick and a tilt-a-whirl DDT for 2. Red goes for a springboard something but Sabin catches him and Rolls The Dice off the top rope for 2 and Max gets a Victory Dog on Sabin for 2. Red hits Code Red on Sabin, but Jeremy jumps on the apron to distract the referee and keep him from making the count. Red nails Jeremy and then goes up top, but Jeremy yanks him down and crotches him on the top rope, allowing Max to hit a top rope DDT for the win.
Winner: Max Buck
Karen Jarrett walks in on Jeff and asks what he’s doing and Jeff says he’s getting ready for his match. Karen says Kurt was on the phone calling for backup, but Jarrett says he was probably just on the phone looking for protein bars and tells Karen to loosen him up.
Jeff Hardy is backstage, and looks like he’s been sleeping on a park bench all week. AND HE’S WALKING!
The Beautiful People are backstage and Velvet Sky is telling Angelina that Winter knocked her out while Angelina was in the ring. Angelina asked if she was sure it was Winter and not Sarita since Sarita’s a crazy Mexican. Angelina’s words, not mine. Velvet is convinced it was Winter and she storms out.
We go to a video package looking back at the rise of Ken Anderson: Babyface Asshole, Jeff Hardy’s turn to the Dark Side, and Anderson’s World Title victory at Genesis, followed by Anderson talking about how he could crap a better looking World Title belt than the one Jeff Hardy created.
Speaking of Jeff Hardy, he (or a homeless man who looks just like him) comes strolling out to the ring to let the fans know that he is troubled by them because he’s been destroying himself for years for them, but they’re just a bunch of marks who don’t care about him. Turning at Bound For Glory was the smartest thing he ever did because he is TNA, and now he wants to address the asshole becuase they’re all a bunch of assholes. Ken Anderson beat him at Genesis but he’s seven days away from his rematch, and when he gets his title back he’s going to shove that moment up all their asses. Now Ken Anderson’s music hits, and the WWE Divas Champion himself comes out to the ring to have a word with Mr Hardy. Anderson says Hardy sure does bitch a lot, and he thought he knew that the only things that matter in this business are Ws and Ls, and he’s got a big W. He also notes that it has Hardy’s face on it, and that’s because he took it from Hardy. Hardy looks really angry. It’s all about that belt, and next week he’s going to continue being the Total Nonstop Action, Total Nonstop Asshole World Champion…Champion.
Crimson is backstage saying he was here for his brother Red and he always will be, but he was given a very lucrative offer he couldn’t refuse, and next week we’ll find out what They have planned. We then look at what Crimson did to Abyss last week, and we discover that Abyss has suffered nerve damage to his spine and will be out indefinitely.
Velvet Sky comes out to the ring holding the back of her head, calls Winter a bitch, and tells her she can’t come to TNA and just break up the Beautiful People, she can’t show up out of nowhere and attack her from behind, and if Angelina won’t take care of her ass, she will, and she tells Winter to get in the ring with her right now. Winter comes out to the ring and Velvet goes out to the floor and attacks her, ramming her into the apron over and over and then into the guardrail. Velvet lays in kicks and chops and Winter bails into the ring but Velvet follows her in and bashes her head into the mat as she screams at Winter that Angelina is her partner, not Winter’s. Suddenly Winter screams in Velvet’s face and Velvet freezes, giving Winter the opening to take her down and try to rip Velvet’s head off. Finally Angelina comes into the ring and pulls Winter off of Velvet, and Angelina tells her to get out of the ring as Velvet stands there sneering at Velvet before suddenly breaking into a smile as she backs her way up the ramp. Angelina tries to help Velvet out of the ring but Velvet breaks away from her and storms off to the back.
The Pope is backstage, and he’s…WALKING!
We’re back from commercial, and the Pope is out to address the Congregation. A few weeks ago, Pope allowed his emotions to get the best of him and he may have said some stuff he shouldn’t have, and he’s out here right now to do what none of us would ever do: he’s going to lead by example and confess. So many people watching this are sitting next to someone they can’t stand and act like everything’s great, then wait for them to leave and stab them in the back, there’s people who are going to finish watching Impact and get to bed and they know they’re sleeping with the enemy, but they do it for the kids. But as the Pope, he’s bigger and better than that, and he’s better than all the fans, and he’s going to kneel down and say right now to Samoa Joe…Joe…I don’t like you, I don’t like who you are, I don’t like what you stand for, and asks who goes around in modern society saying “I’m gonna kill you”, who sits in the crowd chanting “Joe’s gonna kill you”, and he’s not going to bother with him because there’s no hope and he can’t work wonders. But what he can do is give a member of his Congregation the chance next week to follow Pope’s lead and come onto Confession With The Pope and confess their faults, and he’s going to do what he’s always done and change this world one smile at a time. Pope has spoken.
We go back to Immortal’s locker room as Flair gives his crew (and Eric Young, who is at the meeting for some reason) a pep talk and tells Rob Terry that he looks like a million dollars, but is nobody until he grinds someone. Gold medals don’t matter in their world, and he tells Immortal to go get them. Immortal storms out the door to take care of business as Flair asks Young who the hell he is, and Young holds up the Legends/Global/TV Title belt and says he’s the champion. Flair said he’s no champion because that’s a piece of crap that they threw out, and then he throws Young out of their locker room.
We see a video package looking back at the announcement that Hulk Hogan was coming on board at TNA, and everything that has happened since then, culminating in Hogan and Bischoff stealing the company from Dixie and Immortal running rampant over TNA, and then Dixie presenting the injunction on Thanksgiving night. We then go out to Mike Tenay and Taz, who have Dixie Carter on the phone and ask her for her thoughts on next week’s ruling on the legal proceedings regarding the status of the company. She says she’s confident that things will work out in her favor and her attorneys have assured her that she’ll be back in control after next week. We then go to Eric Bischoff, who says that she’s been drinking her own Kool Aid for so long that she can’t tell the difference between Kool Aid and scotch. Two things will happen next week: Jeff Hardy will regain the WWE Divas Title, and Hulk Hogan will prevail in the lawsuit and everything will be as they should be with Immortal in control. Bischoff also puts the They thing in the same category as the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus: there is no They.
Ken Anderson is backstage, and he’s…WALKING! Matt Hardy’s backstage as well, and he’s…CONVULSING!
Time for our next match…
Matt Hardy vs WWE Divas Champion Ken Anderson
They tie up and Matt uses his overwhelming mass to drive Anderson to the corner, but Anderson comes out fighting and Matt tries to climb the corner, but can’t seem to make it to the top rope so he takes Anderson’s arm and snaps it across the top rope, then hits a single arm DDT for 2. Hardy works the wristlock and slams the elbow over his shoulder and then repeatedly rams Anderson’s shoulder into the ringpost several times until the referee stands in the way to prevent further damage. Hardy works the hammerlock and takes Anderson down to the mat, but Anderson makes it to his feet and fights his way free and runs over Hardy with a clothesline, running elbow, and neckbreaker for 2. Anderson picks Hardy up for a fireman’s carry but can’t seem to support his weight, and Hardy slips out and hits a Death Valley Driver for 2 and then goes for the Twist Of Hate, but Anderson slips out and, with a Herculean effort, picks Hardy back up and (very quickly) delivers a Finlay Roll for 2. Anderson goes for the Mic Check but Hardy blocks and hits the Side Effect for 2, but goes for an arrogant cover and Anderson rolls Hardy to his back for 3.
Winner: Ken Anderson
Anderson goes to leave but Jeff Hardy runs out of the back and nails Anderson, then rolls him into the ring and the Hardys beat Anderson down 2-on-1. Rob Van Dam’s music hits and he comes running out to make the save and spinkicks Matt as Jeff bails out the second he sees RVD and heads for the hills.
Kurt Angle & Crimson are WALKING backstage, and Angle tells Crimson not to worry, because they won’t be alone out there. We’re at commercial.
It’s main event time!
Kurt Angle & Crimson vs Jeff Jarrett, Frankie Kazarian, Rob Terry, AJ Styles, Beer Money, Gunner & Muffin
I always love when the main event starts at 10:56, that’s when I know I’m in for a real quality match. Styles is out in street clothes, and Jeff Jarrett is nowhere to be seen. Roode and Crimson start and Roode drives Crimson to the corner and unloads with boots and rights and beats Crimson down in the corner, but Crimson comes back with a leaping clothesline off the ropes and a Falcon Arrow suplex for 2. Crimson tags Angle in but Roode takes Angle to the corner and tags Kazarian in, and Angle catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker so Kazarian tags out to Storm and they jockey for position until Angle gets an overhead belly-to-belly suplex and then takes out the entire Immortal team on the apron. Storm with a lungblower from behind and Flair nearly topples over the top rope yelling at Angle, but Storm goes for a superkick and Angle ducks so Storm hits the referee. Angle hits the Angle Slam on Storm, but now the entire group start to beat Angle and Crimson down, and now Jeff Jarrett comes out with his full entrance with music and pyro. He tells the rest of Immortal to back off and he waits for Angle to get to his feet and goes for a punch, but Angle ducks and hits a German Suplex so Immortal all bum rush Angle and beat him down again as Jarrett eggs them on. Jarrett finally hits the Stroke and Jackson James slides in to count 3.
Winners: Jeff Jarrett, Frankie Kazarian, Rob Terry, AJ Styles, Beer Money, Gunner & Muffin
Karen gives Jeff a big kiss as Immortal celebrates. They continue beating Angle down even after the match, and suddenly Matt Morgan’s music hits and he comes into the ring to make the save and he gets swarmed and overwhelmed by the numbers, too. Suddenly, the lights go out and the sirens hit, and when they come back up, Scott Steiner is in the ring with a lead pipe and he clears Immortal out. Immortal backs up the rampway in fear as Steiner stands there swearing at them and daring them to come back and fight him. Steiner turns to Angle and they share a smile and a nod as we go off the air.
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